My me....

There's a big mountainous area between Ruse and Svishtov. I was passing through that area last week during my business trip. It was late in the afternoon, and the sun was about to set, ready to shift its glory to another part of the world. There was almost no cars passing by, it was really empty. The road was going up and down, curving left and right, which makes the scene even more beautiful, making the sun looks like hiding behind the mountains once in a while.

I always like to be in the middle of a huge open space, alone. It reminds me of how big is this world we're living in. It reminds me that I'm a tiny living dot out of so many billion other living dots in this planet....in this universe. Human beings, animals, plants. I'm one of them, influencing and being influenced by others through out my life, consciously or unconsciously. I'm a part of this world's mystery, which also makes me part of its answer.

....................

Every picture is a collection of dots and colors. And to someone who's able to appreciate beauty, every dot matters, every dot is significant. Every color is important, every saturation means different things to the picture.

In the picture of the universe, everything and everyone is one of the dots that completes the picture, that makes the picture what it is. They all have their own specific color. And as similar as it might seem, there's no identical color in the picture of the universe. It is the most colorful picture.

In the last 3 months, I haven't been able to see my own color. I thought I have lost it. I thought it had faded away. I felt there's something erasing my color, and I was afraid it will erase my significance, my contribution in the beautiful picture of this universe.

Last week, I was almost convinced that I was completely erased. I was blurred and unable to see my self. Powerless and unvisioned, I felt it as the weakest moment I have ever encountered throughout my entire life.

The remaining thing I can do left was to ask the question, can someone really lost their colors and just....not being there anymore?
Because even the deads, their colors I still see.

And it was several days ago, in the middle of green trees I was finally told.
It was nature's job, and it was true that I was being erased, but not completely!
Nature was erasing, leaving only the tiniest part of me....because it wants me to be redrawn.

....................

To our eyes and imagination, the universe looks as beautiful as it can be, and maybe because it is. But nature has its own way of seeing it.

To nature, the picture of universe is not perfect yet. Nature knows how, when, and where to make it better....And in the process, sometimes there's a need to erase some small parts so it can start redrawing.

To nature, our universe can still be more beautiful. And like perfection, beauty knows no limits.

....................

I am now here, still writing....still in the process of my perfection....for life is always a process of perfection.

I am my own process. And in my process I found me.
I am my freedom.
I am my peace.
I am my hope.
I am my honesty.
I am my beauty.
I am my imagination.
I am my sincerity.
I am my gratefulness.
I am my purity.
I am my happiness.
I am my gratitude.
I am my me.

I am not back yet, because I will never be....I am new.


with smile, gratitude, and sincerity,
ali

PS: special thanks to the first "you" for being THE process....and both of "you"s for being there during the times. And oh, also to the tiny creature for being there on your strangest time to be there.