Some unspoken writings...

Get your self comfortable.
Sit back, relax, close your eyes.
Feel yourself breathing.
Look at what can you see with your closed eyes.
Listen to whatever it is you can hear.
Feel your feelings.
Continue until you feel it's time to open your eyes.
Reflect....write.

As I'm now writing, I still feel like only my left eye is looking at the screen...my right eye, opened, but still looking at what I saw with my closed eyes.

I am a creation of my past.
In the present, I am what my future wants to be.

My future looks back...
Looking at me, still typing.
Trying to tell something to me, my present...to guide a way for us to meet.

I do want to meet with my future.
But it's difficult to understand what he's saying.
Most of the times I feel closer to my past.
It's easier to understand what my past is saying than my future.
It's also more comfortable with my past.
Because I know him better than anyone.

But my past only heard about my future from me.
So does my future. He only heard about my past from me.
Sometimes I wish if they can just both meet up.
I wonder the arguments they're gonna have.

It feels tired sometimes, being their middle man.
But I know that I'm their only hope.
And nobody has concern about me bigger than them.
I know if they could really meet, their only topic would be what's best for me.


Again, my future is trying to tell me something.
"It's easier to listen and understand your past because everything is fixed already"
"everything with him is certain"
"you don't need to be patient to reach him"
"you don't need to have faith in knowing his existence"
"...for he grows up together with you growing up"
"...for he is always a part of you since you're born"
"you don't have to give him any of your hope..."
"...for he is the only one without any future"
"you don't have any responsibilities to him"
"nothing is uncertain when you're with him"
"you like him because every second he takes one second of uncertainty in your life"
"and you feel like everything becomes clearer...for good or worse"
"that makes you like him better than me...or...than yourself"

"But one thing still confuses me..."
"because even though I've never met him..."
"I know one thing about him..."
"one thing that you don't seem to know"
"you don't know that he's blind..!!"
"you don't know that he's deaf..!!"
"you don't know that he's a mute..!!"
"it was never him who gave you that look of sympathy..."
"it was never him who listened to your sorrows..."
"it was never him who spoke to you the words of comfort..."
"you looked at your self and believed it was him..."
"you listened to your self and believed it was him..."
"you answered your self and believed it was his answers..."

I broke down and cried...
I asked my future to stop telling me all of this.
But his voice comes even louder this time.
I listen to him...as there's nothing I could do to stop him.

"I'm telling you this..."
"because I can't bear seeing you like this anymore"

"I'm the only one who is still uncertain..."
"If you said that you're the creation of him..."
"then I'm the creation of you"

"You're my only hope to make me real..."
"and I'm the one you're hoping for..."

"I'm the one who taught you about patience..."
"I'm the one who always have faith in you..."
"I'm the reason and consequences of your trust..."

"Fear..."
"It was him who told you what or whom to fear..."
"and he told you to fear me..."
"the one gives you hope and believes in you..."
"the one who told you that there's nothing to fear..."

"Let him go....and you'll understand me"

"He is your hopelessness..."
"and i am your hopefulness"

"Think and reflect on both of us"
"Realize!"
"It's just you and me now..."
"and every second my voice is getting lower..."
"until one day, it will just be you..."
"and on that day..."
"...you will be together with him..."

I am on my own.
I decide me.
I will be nothing and no one but me.

with smile,
ali