Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Another post with 3 dots by the end of the title's name...

I just had a short conversation with Maija. In the middle of it (even though the word was not literally said or written) she mentioned about death.

Long story short...

I mean, short story shorter...the conversation ended, I signed off, but left the computer on...

I went to bed, ready to go to sleep. In less than a minute I came back to the screen...

What she mentioned made me think, and I realized I've been writing in this blog for over 2 years now...

It's not about how many posts I've made, because to think about it, I'm not really a productive blogger. This is my 71st post since September 18 2006, that is 744 days ago....which means in average, I only publish a post once every 10.478873 days...lets make it 11 days.

But, again...it's not about how many posts I've made...it's just that 2 years flew so fast..too fast even!

To quote from the very first post I made:

"Through this blog i hope that i will find people that will be "somebody" for me by giving their comments and inputs for me to be a better person,....and who knows i can also be "somebody" for other people by sharing my experiences.

And by time, maybe you will start to know more about me, my life, and why the hell did i take that stupid picture :-) "

I always believe that how good you are is measured by how useful you are to others. That's why there's no such thing as the "best person", because you can always find more "others" in your life. Being the best knows no limits....

So I hope besides as a place to express my self, this blog can also be one of my ways to be useful to others in whatever way....whether I know it or not...
I even started to post some of my posts in Facebook as a note lately...

Anyways, is this just another episode of my pass-midnight random thoughts?
I don't think so...maybe....actually, even if it is...who cares?!

Somewhere by the end of our conversation, she told me "the world needs you"...
She's right, the world needs me.

And if you're reading this blog, Maija, for damn sure the world needs you too!
And if you're reading this whoever you are, the world needs you...!
And too all of you who's not reading this, I hope these words will come to your mind through all other possible ways...the world needs you!

Just like how we need each part of our body...this world needs each part of it...it needs us.
Because we are a part of this world.

And the truth is...time is short...

And since I'm not yet a good person, I want to always be a better person...
Until I can be a good person...

And when I'm a good person then, I want to always be a better person...

with smile,
ali

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Some unspoken writings...

Get your self comfortable.
Sit back, relax, close your eyes.
Feel yourself breathing.
Look at what can you see with your closed eyes.
Listen to whatever it is you can hear.
Feel your feelings.
Continue until you feel it's time to open your eyes.
Reflect....write.

As I'm now writing, I still feel like only my left eye is looking at the screen...my right eye, opened, but still looking at what I saw with my closed eyes.

I am a creation of my past.
In the present, I am what my future wants to be.

My future looks back...
Looking at me, still typing.
Trying to tell something to me, my present...to guide a way for us to meet.

I do want to meet with my future.
But it's difficult to understand what he's saying.
Most of the times I feel closer to my past.
It's easier to understand what my past is saying than my future.
It's also more comfortable with my past.
Because I know him better than anyone.

But my past only heard about my future from me.
So does my future. He only heard about my past from me.
Sometimes I wish if they can just both meet up.
I wonder the arguments they're gonna have.

It feels tired sometimes, being their middle man.
But I know that I'm their only hope.
And nobody has concern about me bigger than them.
I know if they could really meet, their only topic would be what's best for me.


Again, my future is trying to tell me something.
"It's easier to listen and understand your past because everything is fixed already"
"everything with him is certain"
"you don't need to be patient to reach him"
"you don't need to have faith in knowing his existence"
"...for he grows up together with you growing up"
"...for he is always a part of you since you're born"
"you don't have to give him any of your hope..."
"...for he is the only one without any future"
"you don't have any responsibilities to him"
"nothing is uncertain when you're with him"
"you like him because every second he takes one second of uncertainty in your life"
"and you feel like everything becomes clearer...for good or worse"
"that makes you like him better than me...or...than yourself"

"But one thing still confuses me..."
"because even though I've never met him..."
"I know one thing about him..."
"one thing that you don't seem to know"
"you don't know that he's blind..!!"
"you don't know that he's deaf..!!"
"you don't know that he's a mute..!!"
"it was never him who gave you that look of sympathy..."
"it was never him who listened to your sorrows..."
"it was never him who spoke to you the words of comfort..."
"you looked at your self and believed it was him..."
"you listened to your self and believed it was him..."
"you answered your self and believed it was his answers..."

I broke down and cried...
I asked my future to stop telling me all of this.
But his voice comes even louder this time.
I listen to him...as there's nothing I could do to stop him.

"I'm telling you this..."
"because I can't bear seeing you like this anymore"

"I'm the only one who is still uncertain..."
"If you said that you're the creation of him..."
"then I'm the creation of you"

"You're my only hope to make me real..."
"and I'm the one you're hoping for..."

"I'm the one who taught you about patience..."
"I'm the one who always have faith in you..."
"I'm the reason and consequences of your trust..."

"Fear..."
"It was him who told you what or whom to fear..."
"and he told you to fear me..."
"the one gives you hope and believes in you..."
"the one who told you that there's nothing to fear..."

"Let him go....and you'll understand me"

"He is your hopelessness..."
"and i am your hopefulness"

"Think and reflect on both of us"
"Realize!"
"It's just you and me now..."
"and every second my voice is getting lower..."
"until one day, it will just be you..."
"and on that day..."
"...you will be together with him..."


I am on my own.
I decide me.
I will be nothing and no one but me.


with smile,
ali

Monday, September 01, 2008

12th of September 2008 is only 10 days from now...

Yesss, in 10 days from now people....
I've heard a glimpse of its tracks....
It's like listening to their 80's musics again...

September 12 2008
The 9th Album....Death Magnetic
James, Lars, Kirk, Rob...
and our new family member, producer Mr. Rick Rubin

METALLICA is back..!!!



with smile...and BIG excitement,
ali