Saturday, December 12, 2009

In 5:24 minutes of OA's 0048 0729...

Never tried too hard, it's not gonna work...
There are things that can't be done that way...
Sometimes it needs you "not to try" to make it work...
...and sometimes it's not easy to "not to try"...

Everybody once felt how it is being under pressure, like you're chased by something...
...by expectations (yours or others), by time, or even by a fucking car literally chasing you...
...different consequences maybe, same source of "what if I can't...."
...rarely a thought of "what if I can..."

Or when you're alone and your thoughts start to wonder...
...and you suddenly got this strange feeling you can't explain nor understand...
...you don't even know if you're sad, happy, lonely, or just relaxed....
When you started the "If only I...." thoughts...
When you think of something that you're proud of...
When you think of something that you're ashamed of but glad that no one knows...
When you think "so what?!" because you then realized that your imperfection is what makes you a perfect human being...
When you never realized how crazy your mind can work, processing so many things almost at the same time, never realized it until you finally "write it out loud" after this sentence...

"it's crazy how the mind can work like this..!!!"

When you still got that strange feeling you can't explain...
...but grateful you can still be who you are...

with smile,
ali

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

My F word that is not fuck...

It's probably because the instrumental music I'm listening right now, and though I don't feel sick at all, I don't feel perfectly fit either...
or who knows, could be a completely other reasons...
but for the god-knows how many times, I got this urge to write again...

About what? I have no clue...
I'm actually curious to see and read the following words I'm going to write...

It's passed midnight, not that late yet based on my regular insomnia, though of course it aint that early either...so I have to force my self not to have coffee, though I want it so bad right now...

If you're still reading up to this line, bravo..!!!
...though don't get your hope to high either about what I'm going to write (if it's even high on the first place anyway)

I looked again at the title of this blog I created more than 2 years ago...
I observed it...because I don't want it to be just a title of a blog...
I want..and need..to keep reminding my self of it...
I feel in balance again now...

Wait, let me close my eyes for maybe 16 seconds...or more, who cares...


According to my ears, from where I'm at right now,
the situation around this room and its surrounding neighborhood is not exactly quiet..

But I feel drunk with silence,
there's so much of it and I can hear how it sounds like...

and then in a flash, it was the morning...
the departure...
then an unrelated franticness...
the slowing down...
relax...
the river...
the sun, and then the no sun...
building lights...
a question mark....
then a book...there's always a book...
a tree that wasn't there yet...
comfort, is it really a "so what?" ?
why the lie?
then more and more water after the elevator...
passing by...
heavy eyes, yet heavy fingers...
closed eyes, opened eyes, fingers start falling...

That was what came to me when I closed my eyes...
and it was not 16 seconds...it felt like 42 seconds...at least

Once I asked my self should everything in life has a conclusion...
after thinking about it, I "conclude" that not everything should have a conclusion...

with smile,
ali