Sunday, April 27, 2014

whatever....


....0048 0729....

I'm only 30, and I'm very grateful to have lived my past the way I've lived it.

Mistakes, I can't even count how many I've had....too many.
But regrets, as Sinatra would say, "I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention".

My dad may not be a perfect person (then again, who is?), but throughout the years, one of the many things that I really admire from him is his boldness in making a decision and just move on with it. This, I took it to the heart.

Yes, for sure it's not always the best decision. But I tried to be a conscious risk-taker, meaning that I know there's a risk/consequences in my decisions, even though I don't always know what those risks actually are. But at least by being aware, it makes it easiER for me to keep thinking and moving forward whatever the result is.

The few things I actually regret are the things I did or said that caused some harms or hurt others...and I know for sure I've done this. As far as I can remember, I've apologized, but I wont be surprised if there are somethings that I didn't realize as well. I hope there aren't that many, because it's never been my intentions.

I'm very grateful for the places I have visited. Through the so-called nomadic life I've been living, I have simultaneously found new people and myself piece by piece....and I'm still finding some more. These discoveries are my source of energy, and I wouldn't trade it with anything.

I'm so beyond grateful for my family & friends in every nook and cranny of this planet. I value and cherish every single DNA that makes you who you are. I've never been a fan of distance, and maybe that is one of the many reasons I love traveling so much. Even for a while, it makes some of my distances closer to some of you.

Every once in a while, I would close my eyes and randomly point my finger to a name from my contacts, and call the person. It such a refreshing feeling to hear voices I haven't heard in a while....and not just to hear, but actually listen to you.

I tried so hard to not judge people. It doesn't always work. But it wont stop me from trying. I will keep reminding myself -and looking for reminders from others- because I don't like being judged myself (too many experiences from airports securities). But mostly, and simply, it's just not the right thing to do.

Am I satisfied with my life? No.

I'm grateful for it? Absolutely. I'm very grateful...but having learned this, I know there's still so much I can learn and do for others and myself.

I got a little taste of it, and I want more. It's my passion and desire, and I need to fulfill it.
I hope I live long enough after today to do this.

But either way, I'll try to stay grateful no matter what. Because it opens the door for me to actually live my life the way I want it.